<meta name="LineWrap" content="true"><TITLE>SR_Bk1 0087</TITLE><A HREF="SR_Bk1-0088.txt">Next (Page 88)</A><BR> So what was up with that Erica girl? Do you know her from somewhere?"<P><P>"Nah," Pacer said, "she was wearing a T-shirt of this band I like, 'The Associated General Contractors'. So I just started talking to her. I'm starting to believe in this philosophy a lot of guys have, to like ask out every girl you meet. Maybe one of out twenty will say yes. It makes me feel like an asshole, but when am I gonna see these people again, anyway? But Erica really seemed to like me. And I tellya, I'd rather be staring at her face right now that looking at these goddamn fruity purple elves!"<P><P>* * *<P><P>"This is the strip mall you saw my Moisture Detection Friend at, isn't it?" Carne said.<P><P>"Yup," Pacer said. "What was it, a few weeks ago? A month ago? I was going to buy that stupid action figure. And I wound up in the rafters of the Toy'R'Us, swinging around like a monkey, till I finally lashed myself to a beam and fell asleep. I slept all that night, the next day, and into the day after that. I don't think anyone saw me the day I slept, but the next day, I woke up screaming from some yellow and aquamarine nightmare, and the management team was all pissed-off that I was lashed up there. It was a real mess."<P><P>"Uh-huh. You know, there's something peaceful about sitting at the spot where sidewalk meets parking lot. Very humble, very cool, very Zen. Maybe I'll create a computer game centered around the act of sitting in a place like this."<P><P>"Yeah? Cool. Um... What I just said? It's true. I know it sounds like a lie, but it's totally true. Just go to Toys'R'Us and ask them. I have to go to court in a week-and-a-half cuzza the whole thing."<P><P>"I know you well enough to believe you. But how did you get into such a hairy, zany predicament? And why didn't you tell me sooner?"<P><P>"Ah, it was that damn health food store, the new one that just opened up on the strip? They have all these natural, legal drugs there that you can take. Damn expensive, by the way. Anyway, I took way too many of these drugs--they call them 'herbs', but what's the difference, right? So I took all this shit, and I went bonkers. I thought I was a monkey. I really did! Or an ape. Or a mandrill. Or something like that, I don't know."<P><P>"How did you lash yourself?"<P><P>"Um... I raided the back-to-school department. Backpacks? You know how they have those plastic clip-lock kind of thingies? I grabbed a whole bunch and connected them all together. It worked remarkably well."<P><P>"And for an entire day, as you slept, no one noticed you?"<P><P>"Oh, I'm sure people noticed me. But people are sheep. They don't want to get involved. People suck."<P><P>"Yeah, they're pretty bad. So anyway, why have you been keeping this a secret from me?"<P><P>"Um... I know this is gonna sound lame, but I didn't really remember the whole thing at first. And I wanted to have the full story before I told you. That's it, man."<P><P>"Look at those birds over there," Carne said. "And the sub sandwich wrapper. And the weeds. It all means something. I tellya, it all means something."<P><P>* * *<P><P>"My cousin was pretty unique," Carne said. "Her and my Moisture Detection Friend would sit around for hours, playing strange games without saying a word. So when my cousin joined that cult, we were all very disappointed. We were expecting great things from her."<P><P>"What cult was that again?" said Pacer.<P><P>"They worship this guy named Greg Ann Conway. He's a maniac. He makes them sleep in Nineteenth-Century gambler outfits. You know like on riverboats, like in the 'Karma Chameleon' video? They sleep dressed like that. A damned ridiculous idea."<P><P>"That sucks, man... Y'know, is this rain ever gonna stop? Can you even see where you're going?"<P><P>"The directions are pretty sketchy, but I tellya, I knew the guy we're going to meet in college. He's a real computer genius. If anyone can load my cousin's disk, it's him.<BR><A HREF="SR_Bk1-0088.txt">Next (Page 88)</A>